Owning Your Own Story: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome as a Trauma Survivor
Why you feel like a fraud in your own life and how to reclaim your right to take up space
Today I want to talk about something I struggle with constantly, something I know a lot of you struggle with too imposter syndrome.
That voice in your head that tells you:
You're not good enough
You don't deserve your success
Any minute now everyone's going to figure out you're a fraud
That feeling of being an imposter in your own life.
Let Me Be Really Vulnerable With You
I wrote a memoir. I published a book about my trauma, about going no contact with my mother, about breaking generational cycles.
It's out there in the world with my name on it. I'm literally an author.
And yet, I constantly forget that fact. I minimize it. I downplay it.
Because there's this voice in my head that says, "Who cares? Why would anyone want to read what you have to say? You're not a real writer. Real writers are other people, not you."
And My podcast I have episodes out, I have listeners, people reach out to tell me that something I said helped them.
And still, that voice asks, "Why would anyone listen to you talk? Who are you to give advice? Who are you to think your story matters?"
It's exhausting. And I know I'm not alone in this.
Why Trauma Survivors Struggle With Imposter Syndrome
Here's what I've realized about imposter syndrome, especially for trauma survivors:
It makes perfect sense that we feel this way.
When you grow up being told either explicitly or implicitly that:
You're not enough
Your feelings don't matter
You're the problem
You're too much or not enough or doing it wrong
You internalize that. You carry those messages into adulthood. And they become that voice that questions everything you do.
My Experience
For me, my mother constantly made me feel like I was never good enough.
Nothing I did was right
My accomplishments were minimized or ignored
My feelings were dismissed
My voice was silenced
So now, even when I achieve something, even when I create something meaningful, there's this deep-rooted belief that it doesn't count. That I don't count.
It Goes Deeper Than Professional Doubt
Imposter syndrome for trauma survivors isn't just about doubting your professional abilities. It's deeper than that.
It's:
Doubting your right to exist as you are
Doubting that you deserve good things
Waiting for the other shoe to drop because you've been conditioned to believe that you're fundamentally flawed
What Imposter Syndrome Looks Like in My Everyday Life
Let me tell you what imposter syndrome looks like for me:
After Recording a Podcast Episode: "That was terrible. Why did I say it that way? No one's going to want to listen to this."
When Someone Says My Memoir Helped Them: Instead of feeling proud, I think, "They're just being nice. It probably wasn't that helpful."
When I Compare Myself to Others: "They're the real deal. They know what they're doing. I'm just fumbling through this."
Looking at My Accomplishments: I attribute them to luck or timing or anything except my own abilities and hard work.
I struggle to call myself an author, even though I literally wrote and published a book.
I struggle to feel confident in what I'm saying, even when I know it's true and it's helping people.
I constantly second-guess myself. I constantly feel like I'm one step away from being exposed as someone who has no idea what they're doing.
The Insidious Part: Success Makes It Worse
And here's the really insidious part:
The more you achieve, the worse imposter syndrome can get.
Because now there's more to lose. Now there are more people watching. Now the stakes feel higher.
So instead of success building your confidence, it actually fuels that voice that says:
"See? Now everyone's going to realize you're not actually qualified for this. You've gotten too big for your britches. Who do you think you are?"
I've had moments where I've thought about stopping the podcast because that voice gets so loud.
"No one cares what you have to say. You're not helping anyone. You're just talking into the void. Other people do this better."
And I have to actively fight against that voice to keep showing up.
Why Trauma Survivors Specifically Struggle
So why do trauma survivors specifically struggle so much with imposter syndrome?
1. We Were Gaslit About Our Own Experiences
We were told:
Things that happened didn't happen
Our memories were wrong
We were too sensitive or dramatic
We learned not to trust our own perception of reality.
And if you can't trust your own perception, how can you trust your own abilities? How can you feel confident in your decisions?
2. We Were Scapegoated
We were often made to feel like we were the problem. We internalized this belief that we're fundamentally defective.
That means when good things happen, they feel like:
Flukes
Mistakes
Something we don't deserve and will inevitably be taken away
3. We Became Hypervigilant and Perfectionistic
Many of us became hypervigilant and perfectionistic as survival mechanisms.
We learned that we had to be perfect to be safe, to be loved, to avoid punishment.
So now, anything less than perfect feels like failure. And since perfection is impossible, we're constantly feeling like we're failing, like we're imposters who are barely holding it together.
4. We Didn't Receive Validation
We often didn't receive validation or encouragement growing up.
Our achievements were minimized
Our efforts were criticized
Our successes were either ignored or somehow turned into reasons we weren't good enough
So we never developed that internal sense of "I'm capable. I'm good at things. I deserve recognition."
Instead, we developed a deeply rooted belief that we're not enough.
What I'm Learning About Managing Imposter Syndrome
Here's what I'm learning about managing imposter syndrome and I say managing, not overcoming, because I don't think it fully goes away.
1. Recognize the Voice
When that thought pops up "Who do you think you are? No one cares about this" I try to pause and notice it.
That's my trauma talking. That's the internalized voice of people who made me feel small. That's not the truth. That's not reality. That's just old programming running in the background.
2. Collect Evidence Against It
When someone tells me my memoir helped them, I write it down. When someone reaches out about the podcast, I save that message.
Because imposter syndrome has selective memory it only remembers:
The criticisms
The failures
The moments you felt inadequate
So I'm actively building a file of evidence that says:
"Actually, you are helping people"
"Actually, your work does matter"
"Actually, you do know what you're talking about"
3. Confidence Comes After Action, Not Before
I keep waiting to feel confident enough to keep doing this, to feel like I really am an author, to feel like I really do have something valuable to say.
But that feeling doesn't come first.
The feeling comes from doing it anyway, even when you don't feel qualified. Even when that voice is loud.
You do the thing, and slowly, the confidence builds.
4. Talk About It
I'm learning to say out loud, "I'm struggling with imposter syndrome right now."
To tell my partner, my friends, my therapist.
Because keeping it inside gives it more power. Saying it out loud helps me realize how irrational it is.
And often, the people I'm talking to will reflect back reality "Are you kidding? Your memoir was incredible. Your podcast is helping so many people. You absolutely know what you're doing."
Reframing What Success Means
I'm also learning to reframe what success means.
Imposter syndrome tells me that:
If I were a "real" author, I'd be on bestseller lists
If I were a "real" podcaster, I'd have hundreds of thousands of listeners
If I were really good at this, it would be easier and I'd feel more confident
But that's not how any of this works.
What Success Actually Looks Like
Success is:
That I wrote a book when I was terrified to share my story
That I keep showing up to record episodes even when I'm convinced no one wants to hear them
That even one person has felt less alone because of something I created
That's real. That counts. That matters.
If You're Struggling With Imposter Syndrome
Here's what I want you to know if you're struggling with imposter syndrome:
You are not alone. So many of us feel this way, especially those of us who come from trauma.
The fact that you doubt yourself doesn't mean you're actually not good enough it often means the opposite.
It means:
You care
You're thoughtful
You're aware of how much you still have to learn, which is actually a sign of wisdom, not inadequacy
The Voice Is Lying
The voice that tells you you're not enough is lying.
It's not based on reality it's based on old wounds. It's based on messages you received from people who were supposed to build you up but tore you down instead.
It's based on a childhood where you had to question yourself constantly just to survive.
But you're not in that situation anymore.
You're safe now. You're allowed to:
Take up space
Be proud of what you've accomplished
Own your expertise, your story, your voice
Call yourself an author if you wrote a book
Feel confident in your abilities, even if you're still learning and growing
An Exercise: Say Your Truth Out Loud
I'm going to try something right now, and I want you to try it with me.
I'm going to say out loud some true statements about myself that imposter syndrome tries to make me forget. And I want you to think about your own true statements, the ones your imposter syndrome tries to erase.
My Truth
I am an author. I wrote a memoir that has helped people feel less alone in their trauma.
I am a podcaster. I create content that provides support and validation to people who are healing.
I am breaking generational cycles. I am a good parent who is doing things differently than how I was raised.
I know what I'm talking about when it comes to trauma and healing because I've lived it and I've done the work.
My story matters. My voice matters. My work matters.
Even when I doubt myself, even when I feel like an imposter, these things are still true.
Now Your Turn
What are the true things about you that imposter syndrome tries to erase?
What have you accomplished that you minimize?
What do you know that you pretend you don't?
What are you good at that you refuse to acknowledge?
Write them down. Say them out loud.
Even if they feel uncomfortable. Even if that voice tells you you're being arrogant or delusional.
You're not. You're just stating facts. You're just telling the truth about yourself.
What I'm Committed to Doing
Here's what I'm committed to doing, and I hope you'll join me:
I'm going to keep showing up, even when I feel like an imposter.
I'm going to keep:
Writing
Recording
Sharing my story
Even when that voice tells me no one cares.
I'm going to practice calling myself an author. I'm going to practice owning my accomplishments instead of deflecting them.
And when someone tells me my work helped them, I'm going to say "thank you" instead of "oh, it was nothing" or "I'm sure it wasn't that helpful."
Because it's not nothing. It is helpful. And I'm allowed to acknowledge that.
I'm going to work on believing what other people see in me, even when I can't see it in myself yet.
I'm going to trust that maybe, just maybe, they're seeing reality and I'm the one who's distorted by trauma.
Imposter Syndrome Is a Liar
Imposter syndrome is a liar.
It's a very convincing liar, especially for those of us who were taught not to trust ourselves. But it's still a liar.
And every time we:
Show up anyway
Create anyway
Own our accomplishments anyway
We're taking our power back from that voice.
We're proving that we're not imposters. We're the real deal, even if we don't always feel like it.
You Are Not an Imposter
You are not an imposter.
You are someone who survived something hard and is now doing something meaningful with that survival.
That's real. That's valid. That matters.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening to me work through this.
And thank you for continuing to show up to your own life, even when you feel like you don't know what you're doing.
You're doing better than you think.
Listen to the full episode on the Beyond the Red House podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
Connect with me:
Instagram: @beyondtheredhouse
Read my memoir: I Was Once The Girl In The Red House
Write your story with support: The Trauma-Informed Publishing Blueprint
