Why I’m Done Being Polished (And Why You Should Be Too)

The raw truth about why I wrote my memoir, built this program, and refuse to pretend I have it all figured out

For once, I want to be raw and honest. Not polished. Not trying to be someone I’m not.

I always feel like an imposter in the mental health field when, in reality, mental health and trauma have been my entire life.

I’ve been running from my mental health my entire life. It consumed me in my 20s. And in my 30s, I’ve been healing.

My trauma used to define who I was. And I talking about my trauma made people uncomfortable. It made people look at me differently.

I never wanted sympathy.

I wanted to tell my story because I know other people out there have gone through similar things. And if I could help one person not feel alone, then I’ve done my job.

Everyone Has a Story Worth Telling

I believe that everyone has a story to tell. Everyone deserves to tell their story in their own words.

My trauma kept me small and scared.

Telling my story liberated me.

The Reality of Healing

I used to stay up all night sometimes, thinking about how being no contact is hard. Why didn’t my mother love me? Why was that always in my head?

Did my book silence everything? No, of course not.

I’ll have to think about certain things for the rest of my life. I’ll replay memories. I get pop-up memories now and again.

But what it did do for me it gave me my life back.

And when I say it gave me my life back, I don’t mean the person I was before.

It helped me become the person I’ve always wanted to be. A person who can stand up for herself. A person who doesn’t let her trauma define her.

“Just Get Over It” Isn’t Healing

So many times we’re told to just get over what happened in the past. “The past is the past for a reason.”

But just getting over it doesn’t mean you’re healing.

Just getting over it is pushing it down as far as it can go only for it to come bubbling up in:

∙ Anger

∙ Sadness

∙ Moments when you don’t even know why you’re upset

Everything you’ve dealt with in your life just comes back at a moment’s notice.

The Fear of Being Seen

I’ve been a person who always worries about what other people think about me.

I’ve been scared to put the truth out there for so long.

And so many survivors have the same feeling.

I’ve talked to so many people who applaud me for putting my story out there, but also, in their next breath, say, “I want to do the same, but I don’t know if I can.”

Here’s What I Would Say to Anyone Who Feels That Way:

You know you have a story inside you. You have a way to change the narrative that’s been written about you. You have a way to take your voice back.

You should go for it.

The Scariest Moment

The scariest thing I did was pressing the schedule button on my book.

Knowing that there was a date, that after 10 years of being scared, I finally had a date, that everything I was holding inside me would be out for the world to see.

I still have moments when people say, “Oh, I read your book,” and I get nervous.

Because that book was who I was for most of my life.

But it’s not who I am now.

Even almost a year later, I am a different person than I was when I wrote the book.

Every day, I’m healing. Every day, I’m trying to better myself.

Why I Do This Work

My goal is not to just sit back and say, “I wrote my story. I’m better now. I can walk away.”

That’s not who I am.

I am a person who has a deep desire to help other people achieve the same feeling of being free. The same feeling of finally being in control of their own life.

Not having someone else in control of your life is the most liberating feeling.

To the Person Who’s Scared

I have had so many people tell me that they’re scared and afraid.

And so I will say: so was I.

If anyone understands the feeling of how hard it is to write down the hardest things that have ever happened to you, to sit there and remember them and think about them in a different light, in a different way, I am that person.

Because it is an out-of-body experience.

I didn’t spend 10 years writing this book on and off because I’m a bad writer. I didn’t do it because I didn’t have a story or because I didn’t know what to write.

That’s not the case at all.

I was scared to come to terms with everything that happened to me because I didn’t know how to do it without the trauma overwhelming me.

If You’ve Ever Felt Alone in This Journey

If you have ever felt alone in the journey of writing, if you know you have a story to tell, but you’re too afraid to take that next step I am here for you.

I had you in mind when I created The Trauma-Informed Publishing Blueprint.

I created this 90-day program for all the people who have been telling me:

∙ They have a story

∙ They want to write a book

∙ They wish they could write a book

Because truly, if I could do it, anyone can do it.

Telling your story is:

∙ Liberating

∙ Freeing

∙ Everything I wish I’d done 10 years ago

But I wasn’t ready then.

Are you ready now?

You’ve Survived the Hardest Part

Thank you for being here.

If you want to learn more about my program, click here

And remember to give yourself some grace and some credit.

You’ve survived the hardest part of your life.

Now is the time to take back what is yours, the narrative to your story, and your freedom.

Listen to the full episode on the Beyond the Red House podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

Connect with me:

∙ Instagram: @beyondtheredhouse

∙ Email: hello@kaylavolturno.com

∙ Read my memoir: I Was Once The Girl In The Red House