Going No Contact with Toxic Parents: Why “But That’s Your Mother” Isn’t Enough
One of the most common responses I get when I tell someone I’ve been no contact with my mother for over a decade is immediate shock: “But that’s your mother!”
Then comes the guilt trip: “You only get one mother in your life.”
This reaction used to catch me off guard constantly in the early days of my no contact journey. I’d feel myself getting defensive, like I had to justify my decision to prioritize my happiness and safety.
The Pressure to Defend Your Healing
After 13 years of being no contact, I’ve learned that people’s reactions never really get easier. But something clicked in my brain one day I stopped caring what others thought about my situation.
Unless someone has lived with a toxic parent, they simply don’t understand the reality of what drove you to such a drastic decision.
It’s Not a “Trend”
Despite what toxic parents want to believe, going no contact isn’t some modern trend or act of rebellion. It’s not something people do lightly or for attention.
Going no contact is always a last resort.
No one wants to cut their own parent out of their life. People do it because no matter how many chances they give that person, nothing changes. The parent continues to:
- Disrespect boundaries
- Show no genuine respect for their child
- Refuse to acknowledge the harm they’ve caused
- Make every interaction about their own needs
The Strength It Takes
Going no contact saved me, even though I thought it would break me.
It showed me how strong I truly am, and I’m grateful I found the courage to make that choice. But let me be clear, it wasn't easy. It took years to reach a place where I felt at peace with my decision.
The hardest part wasn’t cutting contact. It was learning to live without the hope that she might change.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re considering going no contact, know your decision doesn’t weaken you. Choosing to protect your peace is the first step to putting yourself first.
You are allowed to choose peace over chaos.
You are worthy of love that doesn’t come with conditions.
Most importantly, you are not alone in this journey.
If you’re interested in learning more about my no-contact journey and healing process, my book I Was Once The Girl In The Red House shares the full story of how I broke free from generational trauma and chose healing over hoping.
